Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Surviving a relationship

I have often wondered why there is always an element of compatibility in a kind of relationship. What should be there, which would actually make a relationship work? Understanding, compassion, empathy or just plain love; well, couldn’t figure it out. Actually I feel that God has made all human beings so different that it would only be possible for God Himself to completely understand him/her. Medical science says that there cannot be any mechanical simulation of the hypothalamus, but one can definitely be understood by various means like body-language, tone etc etc. If you ask me, this concept seems to be very vague and very inconclusive in many manners. I never planned any kind of standard operating procedures in the process of building any relationship with anybody, probably when I planned unknowingly things went haywires for me. People are always in a mood to plan things for the future, look at the past, register a kind of sensory algorithm before actually realizing the essence of a relationship and while they do that the best part of the relationship is gone.

Love is not about liking the good qualities of a person, relationship is not about admiration or approbation because eulogy has limited life and often doesn’t serve as the fuel to maintain the momentum in a relationship. So then what is the key factor of a relationship? It is about bearing with the vices, overcoming limitations and undermining any kind of negative vibes that may actually tear apart the fabric that veils the soar that every relationship carries with itself. One may like you for various reasons, however liking has a finite survival time and after that comes the aspect of what should be the conditions so that the opposite person doesn’t hate you. Long term relations are not bounded by love, on the contrary they are bounded by absence of hatred. Tolerance and empathy serve as two major criteria that actually fuel the engines of a ongoing relationship. Trust, belief and mutual respect are actually the catalysts that smoothen the rough patches that a long standing relationship actually encounters.

Love can be an instantaneous feeling which has its own pros and cons, however love cannot alone be the factor of making a long relationship survive. Love can bind you, but whether it can keep you bounded forever is what it cannot guarantee. Relationships are like bridges that are built not only to suffice your romantic needs but also be a kind of escape way when you actually would want to escape from yourself. There are certain rooms in the corner of your heart where you also would not like to visit. Some dark rooms, which actually scare you of yourself and you wish they didn’t exist at all, however solitude can lead you even closer to such venues and make you a living corpse. It is the bridge of the relationship that actually lets you escape from those corners when they actually invite you. There are instances when people would actually want to rather be alone and not be in someones company and that is the point when the person is actually lying to himself. Solitude can never be a solution to problems that are social and personal. They can only be solved by companionship and sharing. I have heard people say lines that words like love and faith have no sense and no meaning, frigid as they might sound, I really empathize with them and would want to convey that the momentary love that they might have actually felt was a very good experience and should be cherished forever, however the expectations from that momentary impulse to actually translate to a long-standing relationship is something which is not sensible and so this leads to a misanthropic situation that the person actually goes into.

Love is probably the only feeling which is variable and has probably no fixed way of assessment. When you are sad you cry, when you are happy you smile or laugh, when you are scared you are afraid but when you are in love I guess there is a gamut of emotions that you display which actually have no sort of relation with each-other. There is no way to determine the course that such a feeling would take because the feeling itself is so inconclusive in the first place. There can be many people who would proclaim that they understand when it is love and they can actually discern true love from feelings like attraction and infatuation, however the first and most important step for love to start is attraction, by any means it may be. You may be intellectually, physically or mentally attracted to a person, but to love the person the attraction is necessary because it is the first step. I don’t proclaim to understand love, because had I understood it , I could have actually fixed lot of problems, however what I can say is that I have figured out somewhat after so many years that for a relationship to survive, love alone cannot be the only factor.

3 comments:

  1. "love alone cannot be the only factor." what are the other factors- i could not derive it....

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  2. Nice post. I liked it.

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  3. @Rajesh, That is what I am figuring out!! What are the other factors. I know that my approach is inconclusive, but so is Love. Love itself cannot conclude, it is eternal and should be left inconclusive.

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