On my series of articles about relationship I feel that there is an impression that I have been totally cynical and pessimistic about my attitude towards relationship. It has been often understood that the articles on relationship that I write are about how a breakage occurs in a relationship rather than how actually to maintain it. Well, I am here to justify myself that I am not that kind of a misanthrope after all and I also would like to write some articles on the essence of maintaining a relationship in a very peaceful manner but to understand how to maintain a relationship it is also very essential to understand how relationships are broken and that is why the first two articles.
One very important thing about sustaining sanity in a relationship is pragmatism. Most of the time there are differences due to the fact that the female brain works in a different way from that of the male brain and thus the definitions of pragmatisms may differ in such cases. For the female mind dining near the beach on a full moon night may be a pragmatic option but for the male counterpart this may only seem to be a futile expenditure that may be avoided. In such a case how do you deal with the things? How do you actually convince that the best thing she might be imagining is actually not a very good proposition after all? If I really had the answer then I could actually have solved lot of problems. However, articles are also written to search some answers rather than only propose new theories. I believe that there are many sensible people who could actually find an answer to this question.
Pragmatism is a factor that is relative as I said before and does change from people to people. For you a candle lit dinner may not be a practical option to celebrate an occasion but for your partner this may be the most important treat of her life. You may be thinking that she has gone crazy, you are wrong. Because it is you who have come of age and diluted time with the concentration of love that your relationship actually had. You have actually forgotten the fact that once, long time back, to woe her you also had suggested the same option to her, to which she was as enthusiastic as she is today. In such a case who is the culprit, your partner or you. I have seen most of the times it is the male counterpart that tends to dilute feelings citing reasons of work-pressure and pragmatism, these however are only excuses for the male counterpart to actually escape from the fiddles and chores that the relationship demands.
A man’s love is just like that of a waterfall that begins with a lot of enthusiasm but then when it sees a little cold surface it just breaks down to never start again, the love of a woman, on the contrary, is like that of a river which keeps on flowing and flowing consistently in its own pace. However, it is not the job of the man only to understand the female mind always. It is, believe me, the most difficult job in the whole world to understand a female mind; however it is easier for a female to understand a male’s psychology. What men want is much easier to guess for a woman rather than for a man to guess what a woman wants. That is the reason I said in my earlier article that love cannot be the sustaining factor in a relationship as it has its own ways of expression in either of the cases. So it is always better to set the feeling of love aside for sometimes and understand in a more practical way as to what is happening with your relationship.
It can be a herculean task to actually guess what the other wants but it comes with time. People are there who have been able to perfect it with time. This requires a lot of patience and lot of perseverance also. It is a tough job and requires a lot of soul searching as well as introspection. However, it is much more evident and easier to understand as to what the other doesn’t want. It comes from the experiences, bitter or sweet, that you might be having and also from the time that you may have spent with your partner. This is an easier job and a more pragmatic way of handling the intricacies of a relationship. Eg she may not want you to be busy with your cricket match on weekend; solution: don’t do it and just record the match, after all you will not be awarded if your team wins or not be sacked if your team loses. The recording when watched for the first time can be equally intriguing as the live match. He doesn’t like to watch serials in the night, so good, just go out for a walk in the park and this saves you from a lot of fight that you might end up doing. You can watch the re-run and also if you don’t watch it now then it doesn’t affect your family life in any manner.
This is how I define adjustment and pragmatism in a relationship. It doesn’t come immediately, it doesn’t come over-night, however with experiences good or bad it may develop gradually.